Challenges Facing Moms Restarting Careers
Examining the Trend of College-Educated Women Leaving the Workforce
I love research done by people who’ve heard a general, society-wide rumor and just have to know whether or not it’s based in fact. Sylvia Ann Hewlett (author of the 2002 book, Creating a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children) recently researched just how many college-educated women are ditching their careers to be at-home moms for a while. I’m a science girl at heart, so I’m always down with anyone who backs their thoughts up with cold, hard numbers.
Off-Ramping and On-Ramping
Hewlett refers to the leaving and the subsequent return to their careers as “off-ramping” and “on-ramping.” The main issues it brought up in my mind were the still-around, can’t-get-away-from-them discrepancies between what’s expected from a working mom vs. what’s expected from a working dad. Working moms are expected to make money and be stellar in their careers, then come home and be perfect, nurturing mommies with lots of time and energy left at the end of the day for their little ones. Working dads are expected to go to work and make money. Done.
The new trend seemed to be a mass exodus of college-educated, successful women ditching their careers, so they could be home and do the family thing for a while. It’s interesting that not as many women are “off-ramping” as everyone (society in general) had previously thought. (As a funny side note: it’s also hilarious that the career women who were staying in the rat race were irate at the bad rep these off-ramping bi***es were giving career women everywhere.)
Hewlett’s data showed that only 37% of career women are bailing out of the rat race, and then only for a short period of time. The bailing out isn’t ’cause these ladies can’t hack it. The reasons listed include having kids, caring for aging parents, and “taking care of other life needs.” (Do you think potentially life-threatening illnesses fall into that category? I was just wondering.)
I’m guessing that these women were doing fine and kicking some corporate booty in their fields, obviously able to handle all of the thinking and the work load, the deadlines and the pressure of career plus normal life on top of that. Add in something life-altering, like, say, giving birth or having a new kid to care for 24/7 or perhaps an aging parent around who needs your help, or even maybe battling cancer, might throw a wrench in the ass-kicking works and could conceivably throw the perfectly balanced career / life juggling act off. Something has to give, and apparently 37% of those career gals are willing to give up the careers you know they busted their asses to succeed in.
Taking a Few Steps Back
As far as the challenges these off-rampers will probably face when they want to on-ramp (seriously, her terminology rocks), my guess is things are going to suck. If it was so difficult to get to where they were in their chosen career, then trying to elbow their way back in isn’t going to be easy. For some reason, these women feel guilty about off-ramping in the first place, so they tend to avoid going back to the same job with the same boss. Which means they have to start a few steps back. (P.S. It blows that women feel guilty about being the caregivers and the nurturing ladies everyone (a) expects us to be, and (b) requires us to be on a biological level.)
And then there’s the Being Behind factor. Most careers not involving the differential equation necessary to find the exact time it takes to fry a spear of potato to crisp, golden perfection, have vast amounts of constantly changing information. Any career requires keeping up on said info, be that medical journals, technical information, whatever. Everything else being equal, someone returning to their previous job would still have months or years of information to catch up on. And, no, being an at-home mom does not mean you have gallons of spare time on your hands so you can finally write that novel or keep up on what your ex-coworkers are learning about right now. There is no spare time. An off-ramper will be behind when she tries to go back.
Housewifery vs. Career Super Woman
First it was all housewives all the time. Back in June Cleaver’s day, it was viewed as important and impressive to excel at housewifery. Saying “I’m a housewife” was met with a positive response. Then women got cranky, decided they were NOT excited about Jell-O molds and the best way to press their man’s shirt, and for a while women headed out into the world to work. So then it was career for a while. Once they broke through the walls society had up regarding a working, career-oriented woman, it became more impressive to say, “I’m an upwardly mobile woman,” than to say, “I’m a housewife.” The focus was off of the family and on careers. So extreme was this focus, women either put off having the kiddos or just didn’t have kids at all in order to climb those corporate ladders (because climbing ladders with 2.3 kids strapped to your back, not as easy as you might think).
Somehow the women who chose kids and career, no matter how long they waited to have the kids, ended up feeling like they had to pull off being great mommies and ass-kicking career women. Women were supposed to be amazing at both—give a presentation at work, be home in time to make dinner and have a sit-down meal with the family and talk about the day, put the kids to bed, make those bake sale cupcakes, finish that report, sleep (all lies: no mommy ever gets to actually sleep), wake up, kids to school after a picture-perfect breakfast, blah blah blah. No one can do that without losing their minds. Because, as it turns out, it’s hard to excel at mothering and career simultaneously.
A Working Mom has Two Jobs to Succeed In
We also seem to be unable to let go of our image of the polished, always together regardless of her level of sleep-deprivation, knows-all-the-answers career woman, busting through the glass ceilings and succeeding succeeding succeeding. It’s the hot, female version of the successful career man (you should ask yourself why “career man” isn’t even a term). A working mom has two jobs to succeed in. And somewhere in there she has to find the time to take care of the basic animal functions that even a prisoner convicted of homicide is allowed to have: food, sleep, shower, fresh air, exercise.
Is the solution to choose career or mommyhood? Change corporate leave policies? Alter society’s views and expectations (I’m a bricklayer, not a miracle worker, Jim)? I’m not sure there is a solution, but Hewlett’s research provides an interesting insight into changing family systems, what our culture values, and women’s roles in society.
